Work? School? Relationships? Is your life dictated by the norms of society, or the ebb and flow of the tide? Are you a slave to the grind, or a slave to the grinding barrel?
WHAT KIND OF A SURFER ARE YOU, REALLY? Take the Zag quiz and find out…
THIS WEEKEND I WILL…
[a] Go shopping with the missus – we really need some new tea towels.
[b] Go out for dinner on Friday, some DIY on Saturday morning before catching the game with the boys. Will probably chill on Saturday night, the forecast looks pretty good for Sunday.
[c] To bed early Friday, set my alarm forward, roll out of bed and vanish up the coast before sunrise. See you Sunday evening when I am surfed out.
[d] It’s the weekend? Does that mean all those assholes are coming to my beach tomorrow?
MY WORST WIPEOUT INVOLVED…
[a] Getting dunked and a slight burning in my lungs
[b] Getting pitched over the falls and bouncing off the bottom / being held under longer than I am comfortable with.
[c] Torn fibreglass and a serious hold-down, followed by a long swim in and the mournful loss of my best 6’8″ friend.
[d] Friends crying when I regained consciousness.
MY BOOKSHELF CONSISTS OF…
[a] A variety of books and some magazines on all kinds of things that I’vve collected over the years.
[b] Local and international surf mags, plus a selection of novels.
[c] Wax, old wetsuits, spare fins, leashes, ding repair gear and a pile of mags next to the shelf.
[d] I got rid of it to make space for a shaping bay.
DROPPING IN IS…
[a] When the other guy is coming for you on the same wave?
[b] What assholes do because they can’t work a line-up.
[c] Like signing a death warrant. Try it, pal.
[d] My privilege.
THE SWELL’S CRANKING, BUT IT’S MY BETTER HALF’S BIRTHDAY, I…
[a] Laugh it off – this is her day.
[b] Go for a quick session between making her breakfast and taking her out for lunch.
[c] Go for a proper session before taking her out for a swanky dinner.
[d] Fail to understand why she can’t be stoked for me. I mean, like, I just got the barrel of the day.
MY ATTITUDE TO HAVING KIDS IS…
[a] I am still a kid.
[b] I’ve always wanted to teach my grom to surf.
[c] What, and have less surf time? Thanks, but no thanks.
[d] I’ve always wanted my own board caddy.
[a] Don’t really get why I am into surfing, but we still find plenty of time to hang out together.
[b] Mostly surf as well.
[c] All grew up surfing together, go on regular trips, and will keep surfing together until the day we die.
[d] Who needs friends when you have waves.
INTERNET FORECASTS ARE…
[a] Nice for seeing if it’s going to be sunny tomorrow.
[b] The greatest invention of the 21st century
[c] What I plan my life around
[d] Rarely as accurate as me
I LEARNED TO SURF…
[a] Before I gave up golf – but only just before.
[b] With my mates years ago
[c] Before I had a proper vocabulary.
[d] Do umbilical cords count as leashes?
MY LAST GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME BECAUSE…
[a] We couldn’t find common ground on a number of issues. It was mutual, but I’m sure going to miss her.
[b] A girl who didn’t like the beach? What was I thinking?
[c] She kept hustling me out of set waves.
[d] I’m not sure. She said something one day when I was strapping boards to the roof and I never saw her again.
HOW DID YOU SCORE?
Tally up your score as below to work out your total.
A = 1 point
B = 2 points
C = 3 points
D = 4 points
10 – 17 points: Unless you’re a grom or learning to surf, put this magazine down. Like, right now. Just move along friend. Surfing’s not meant for you anyway. You’re far better suited to some other action sport, like bowls or crocheting.
17 – 24 points: Your healthy obsession with surfing is topped with dollops of stoke and balanced by an attempt, at least, to have a normal life / career / relationship outside the water. You’re fooling everyone, for now…
24 – 32 points: Your life revolves around surfing 24/7 and you’ve given up all but the thinnest guises that anything else is important. Your core status is complimented by the fact that you could surf your local spot blindfolded, routinely get the best waves of the set and have nicknamed your melanomas. You probably won’t die rich or famous, but it will be with an enviable tube record and a well-worn thousand yard stare.
32 – 40 points: Time to tone it down a notch buddy. Your pathological devotion to surfing has left you morally bankrupt and you are either a homeless feral, pro surfer, or work for a surf magazine. Shame on you.
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