The Rate Of Progress
Surf design has come a long way. World champions and the best shapers in the world have worked long and hard at making the best and most functional surfboards for surfers to enjoy. Some of these boards are made to perform well in contests, others in big waves, and others in tiny waves. They are all at the apex of where surfboard design is today.
Similarly, the motor industry has worked towards making cars, faster, safer, more fuel efficient and more eco-friendly. When it is time to choose a new car we go out and choose an apex car, based on whether we want to go fast, be fuel efficient, be safe or want to protect the environment. All of these requirements have cutting edge cars, manufactured by the finest minds in motoring and developed over the last few years.

What else can be compared to the evolution of surfboard design? Running shoes? Made to be more comfortable, lighter, with a built-in blood pressure reader, an ipod that is playing tunes as well as recording your distance, and making running pleasure. You want a shoe that is new, dynamic and part of the cutting-edge design level that makes you proud to be a human being.
The fact that people are surfing on finless boards and alaias has got me completely perplexed. I have been witness to the abomination that is Derek Hynd slipping and sliding and ruining waves at Supers as the locals and other surfers boo him for blowing absolute bombs and taking waves off others. Now Derek is pretty ‘out there’ and is always keen to try something new, but this is one fad that, while he appears to be having fun, is not going to catch on. Apart from DH, everyone else who tries finless surfing looks like 1. A complete and utter doos and, 2. Some one totally devoid of original thought, who has fallen hook line and sinker and who is simply copying Derek’s creativity.
It’s stupid. Fins give you drive, speed, the ability to turn, the ability to project, the ability to gather speed and launch into the air. Finless planks give you the ability to spin around in circles like a feckless beginner bodyboarder down on summer holiday from the Transvaal and catching his or her first waves.
There is no soul in spinning around in circles. It’s called a ‘helicopter’, and it has long been the lamest thing known to surfing modern or ancient.
So anyone out there riding a finless board and doing helicopters amongst a crowd of surfers, here’s the deal. Take your ironing board home, give it to your wife or girlfriend, harden the fuck up, grab a real board with fins on and go surf.

[Agree? Disagree? Whether you love it or hate it, tune Eddie back below]

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While the rest of the surfing world hangs on every word and photo that is coming out of Hawaii, and the Internet drones harp on about Dooma and what a knob he is or what a legend he is (debatable)* what about us poor fools stuck here in South Africa in aworld where the weather has gone mad.
The summer is yet to come (apart from some hot but very flat days) and there is still the odd snow-fall around the high-lying areas. It has all but turned on us as global warming takes it’s hold. Al Gore and his Inconvenient Truth is upon us and we can expect some crazy weather patterns to come.
The worst thing is that we are no longer going to have a summer in South Africa. By the time the earth warms up and the temperatures get to those beautiful mid-30’s it will already be time for the days to get shorter and the nights to get longer and for summer to cease. It means two things for a surfer – no bikinis on the beach and much, much bigger waves as the frequency of the storms increase.

As the weather goes more crazy and we get lashed by continuous storms, there will be no need for any of us to go to Hawaii as Hawaii will come to us. Average beach breaks will transform into savage, bone-crunching barrels. Big wave spots will become behemoths. Dungeons will cap at 90-100 feet every storm. The world of surfing as we know it is set to change. Little squabbles over drop-ins on 4-foot waves are going to be pathetic. Perfect Sunset in Hawaii will be deemed child’s play. The big wave charger of today will become your average surfer of tomorrow, and all of us who bow out at 8-feet will have to take up something a little more mundane than surfing. Like walking or running. Nowhere near the coastline though, as we are all going to have to watch out for those rogue waves.

So Waimea is going to become arb and Jaws will become twee. In the future Shipsterns will be described as ‘fun’ and Ours will be a quick paddle to stretch the shoulders and practice your take-offs. Small boards will be over 10-foot long, big boards will be 16-foot and bigger, and everyone who has the gumption will own a ski.
Personally I am aiming for a gumption-free future.

* Dooma isn’t a knob.

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Let’s cut to the chase. There some big changes coming to Professional Surfing. Amongst the biggest changes to the ASP for next year will be
- less surfers on the World Tour,
- more prize money per event, and
-one ratings system with 3 or so changeover points in the year so that surfers will move between the World Tour and the Prime events based on their current ranking.

There is a rumoured even bigger change. Yes it is only a rumour, but it could have devastating repercussions for next year’s tour.
The story floating around is that Slater will not be back on tour next year, and Andy Irons will not be rejoining the tour next year as expected. Quite clearly at this point in time it is just shit talk and gossip, but who knows what it all means…

The fact that Slater will not be surfing is pretty much the story that comes out about this time of the year every year, and either he or his media team keep everyone guessing until he paddles out for his first heat at the Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast. What he tries to achieve by this is anyone’s guess, but maybe he honestly is undecided each and every year.

The fact that A.I. might not be on the tour is a bit more disturbing. The mags have been running stories and interviews that he is in training, that he is determined to kick world tour butt, that he is itching to get going again after a brief break. The world tour is already missing Bruce Irons, who is pushing the freesurfing and getting covers again, but is the other brother going to do the same?

Either way, a World Tour without Slater and Andy Irons is half-baked. While so many people are quick to call Andy names like arrogant and conceited, he is still an absolute surfing hero to all the groms and kids in the world. The World Tour needs him, as well as Slater.

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